Do Vampires REALLY Exist?

They own the darkness, feeding on the blood of the innocent. Vampires!! Legends as compelling and disquieting today as in their origins, vampire lore continues to influence and inspire the creative vision of writers and artists, but what do you really  know about vampires?  

From movies, books and TV shows you probably know such "facts" as: 

BUT, DO THEY REALLY EXIST?

You can now use a spreadsheet and some simple formulae to prove once and for all if vampires really exist.

Below are some assumptions we need to make if this exercise to function properly:

ASSUMPTIONS

  • One vampire does exist.
  • That a vampire must suck one person's blood each week to survive.
  • Once a person is bitten by a vampire, he or she becomes a vampire.

Task Description: Is a spreadsheet powerful enough to keep vampires away? Find out as you build it. What you discover may be shocking!

Step A
Bites Per Week

What to do: Create an Excel worksheet to fill in statistics through Week 8, using the following basic steps.

  1. On your worksheet, type in the headings and statistics for Week 0 as shown below. Now type in stats for Week 1 (1 person bitten, 2 vampires now exist) and Week 2 (2 more people bitten, 4 vamps on the prowl). You should now fill in the rest. If there were 4 vampires at the end of Week 2, how many people would get bitten in Week 3? (4) And how many vampires would that make, total? (8)
  2. How many people would those vampires bite in Week 4, creating how many more of their kind?
  3. You get the idea now. Carry it through to the end of Week 8. How many bloodsuckers do you end up with? (256)

Step B
Graph Those Vamps!

WHAT TO DO:
  1. Select your data in Column C, go to Insert, and choose Chart. Using Chart Wizard, select a type of chart that shows data over time. The chart below is one example. Click Finish.
  2. Move your chart to the right side of your worksheet, so you can look at it side-by-side with your data.

    Create a graph to get a vivid picture of the vampire population boom.

    What kind of trend does your chart show? Where might the pattern go from here?

    Print out your data sheet and your chart to have on hand for the next step.

Step CStep C
Formula, Bloody Formula

WHAT TO DO: Now you're going to get the spreadsheet to count seven more months worth of vampires for you -- in mere minutes!

  1. Look again at your statistics through week 8. In math terms, what is the relationship between vampires at the end of one week and the number of people bitten the next?
  2. Here's another way of looking at it: What pattern do you see from week to week in the number of people bitten? What about the week-to-week vampire numbers?
  3. Create a formula for Columns B and C in Week 9 (that's cell B11 and C11, respectively) that will extend the pattern of Weeks 0-8.
  4. Implement your formula, and check to be sure that the pattern continues.
  5. Now you can use Excel's AutoFill feature to complete your worksheet. For Column A, highlight cells A9 and A10, point to the "handle" in the lower right corner of A10, and drag it through A37.
  6. Now fill in Column B by using AutoFill to drag the formula through week 35 (cell B37). Fill Column C by dragging the formula in C10 down through C37.
  7. Format your vampire stats by selecting Columns B and C, going to Format, choosing Cells, and selecting Numbers on the list. Type in 0 decimal places, and select Use 1000 Separator. Save your work.
  8. How many vamps are there at the end of Week 35? If your formulas are correct, you should show 34,359,738,368. Say that number out loud: 34 billion, 359 million, 738 thousand, 368. That's a lot of living dead!

Here are a few links to Halloween and Vampire pages you might find interesting to look at

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Step Dtep D
Vampire Reality Check

WHAT TO DO: So how does your vampire census match up against the actual world population? Here's how to find out.

Check your worldwide vampire census against the real thing.

  1. Launch Internet Explorer, and go to http://www.census.gov/cgi-bin/ipc/popclockw  the U.S. Census Bureau's World POPClock.  This gives an up-to-the-second projected count of the world's human population, based on actual numbers plus estimated births and deaths.
  2. What number is showing in bold type? It should be about six billion, give or take a few million. Select and copy this number, go back to your Excel worksheet, and paste it into cell C38.
  3. In cell D38, type in the label People on Earth.
  4. Save and print your sheet.
  5. Now think about your findings. According to your spreadsheet, how many of the world's people are actually vampires? (Every single one of them -- and then some!) At which point in your chart did the entire population of Planet Earth become vampirized? (Between Weeks 32 and 33.) Could this possibly be true? Congrats! You have just constructed what mathematicians call a "proof by contradiction."
  6. Just for fun, copy your data sheet, paste it in a new worksheet, and start with three vampires instead of just one. Enter values manually for the first few weeks, then create a formula to extend the pattern. How long does it take vampires to take over the world in this scenario?